We fight and fall down and mend
Why is it that depression always creeps up on you, stealthily like a thief, whenever you think that you're doing ok, that you're finally, finally beginning to mend?
It felt like a chore to be alive today. To walk from my room to the kitchen. To have lunch. To answer calls. It takes an inexplicable amount of effort just to carry out these ordinary activities when you'd rather be lying in bed, safe from the world outside.
At about 2:30 in the afternoon, i finally gave up and went to bed. It was a relief, let me tell you- sleeping and forgetting and not thinking.
At 3:30, i remembered the promise i made Jus to see a doctor to maybe get started on some anti-depressants or something. Or anything. I made myself get out of bed, got changed and walked slowly to the doctor, telling myself that i absolutely was not going to start crying in front of him.
Well, i didn't. He talked to me for a while and decided that he wants to wait before starting me on anti-depressants. I got mood stabilisers instead and i need to take them for 20 days before going back to see him. In the meantime, i'm supposed to remember all the good things in life and get out of the house when i start to feel down.
It felt like a chore to be alive today. To walk from my room to the kitchen. To have lunch. To answer calls. It takes an inexplicable amount of effort just to carry out these ordinary activities when you'd rather be lying in bed, safe from the world outside.
At about 2:30 in the afternoon, i finally gave up and went to bed. It was a relief, let me tell you- sleeping and forgetting and not thinking.
At 3:30, i remembered the promise i made Jus to see a doctor to maybe get started on some anti-depressants or something. Or anything. I made myself get out of bed, got changed and walked slowly to the doctor, telling myself that i absolutely was not going to start crying in front of him.
Well, i didn't. He talked to me for a while and decided that he wants to wait before starting me on anti-depressants. I got mood stabilisers instead and i need to take them for 20 days before going back to see him. In the meantime, i'm supposed to remember all the good things in life and get out of the house when i start to feel down.
Life goes on. And on. And on.
I don't really want to speak to anyone right now.
I don't really want to speak to anyone right now.
posted by Genevieve at 6:39 PM
2 Comments:
I'm glad you went - that took a lot of strength. I hope the mood stabilizers help!
~Sunmaid
*hug* - jo
Post a Comment
<< Home