The words He says are hard to understand

When the shadows are closing in

And your spirit diminishing

Just remember you're not alone

 And love will be there

To guide you home

-Mariah Carey, Anytime you need a friend

 

The last time i was caught in the throes of depression, i turned to the Bible that lies on my side table and flipped open to a page randomly, landing on the book of Job. I started reading, through tears that didn't seem to stop.

I have often asked (maybe 'yelled' would be a more apt word to use) God why I had to suffer: "Why me?"

When i didn't receive an answer, i asked Him what good could come out of my being depressed so often. If you've gone through this before, you know how tiring it is to feel sad all the time, how it can sap every last bit of energy you have and make you wish you were dead.

But that particular question was left answered too.

However, i've since come to accept the fact that God often brings trials our way, trials which surpass all human understanding. I could spend all day demanding explanations from He who made us or i could believe that there is indeed a reason for everything and that the reason will be revealed in His time.

Job was put through tests and he cried out to God, wondering why he, a seemingly righteous man, had to go through trials he didn't deserve.

But God answered him, saying: "Who is it that darkens my counsel with words without knowledge?" (Job 38:2)

 

Just an hour ago, i was so overwhelmed by sadness that i could do nothing but cry.

And then i picked up the Bible and turned to Job, reading passages that i had read so many times before. It wasn't Job questioning God anymore. It was me.

I listened to my Michael Card CD, which never fails to calm me down, and told God that i accepted whatever trial he was putting me through. I may not like it, I may question, i may even be angry for having to go through something i cannot fathom, but i accept it.

 

Now i just need to wait patiently for answers.

 

I was not hopeless though I'd been lost