Back where i belong

I am counting down the days till i go home for Christmas. Not long. Just 2 months. It seem like eternity. Maybe it's writing about home and reading about home and trying to academise home. Maybe i miss seeing the familiar and doing the familiar. Like sitting on my armchair (which my dad has since claimed) and devouring books after the last exam had ended, knowing i had three glorious months off. I miss watching a late afternoon movie at Lido with Mel or Rel and then coming out to a dark night, drizzle and wet sidewalks. The Christmas light-up and the rain would fill the air with romance. We would walk across the road to Starbucks, sit by our favourite window and order the Christmas drink. Really. It was that simple. Evening runs at the beach with my discman playing something Hillsong or my own evening mix. Sunday dinners with my aunties. The dismal walk home after. Nights spent staring out of the window dreaming about escaping.

And now i'm here. In this place i call...i call what? A transition? Second home? A place to rebuild myself?

I am rebuilding myself in a place where no one has known me for more than two years. Where i can pretend to be anyone i one. Except i am more myself now than i ever was. But it gets lonely sometimes. I was never alone in Singapore. There was always someone to see or something to do. Here, i spend my days alone at home, at uni, having coffee. Then Jon comes over and i forget about being lonely. Push it to the back of my mind. But then today comes, and it's back to sitting here with myself for company. Everything comes with a price.

What would it be like to have Jon with me in my home this Christmas? I will take him to my Starbucks, to my library, to my church, to my teh tarik store, to Borders, to Marche, to Little India. We will spend Christmas together. Someone new at our annual Christmas brunch filled with so much food. Walking at the beach, holding hands and having everyone stare at white and brown together. And then New Year's. Where we herald in a new year. Together. Our year.
I have the pleasure of bringing someone i love into my home, my world as i knew it. Two more months that feel like eternity.