I close my eyes and i leave them there

Every once in a while, i have a moment when i realise the extent of my love for Jon. I guess i live each day knowing this love but there are moments which make me stop in my tracks and go still because this is love and i understand this love with my soul, not just my body.

Before we went to visit Jon's family, i was sure that this was the man i wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Things haven't always been perfect but we managed to get through them together and emerge a stronger couple. But now, as i sit in my own home after returning from the trip and think about love and loving, i feel a surity of our future together, much more than what i felt before the trip. It's so had to put into words but all i want to say is that i am more sure now than i was before and that's a little strange because i have always been sure, early on in our relationship that Jon was the one was for me.

Jon's family is beautiful. And seeing Jon with his family was so good. I loved seeing him so relaxed and in the presence of people who loved him and who he loved. I felt honoured to be part of this love and this family.

And now it's back to the craziness that is Sydney. As beautiful as it is, Sydney is crazy. There's just so much happening all the time. And i can't walk out the door and see the cows grazing, as i did in Atherton. So it's back to thesis writing, church and Saturday morning breakfasts at Cafe Zoe.

But when i close my eyes, i see myself in the car with Jon driving fast, passing sugar cane plantations, listening to Gracelyn and Chloe play "I spy" in the backseat and trying to keep up with Lawrence in front of us. The rain falls but we are all safe and warm.