My beginning, my forever

During worship in church last night, i asked God what i had to do to get out of this thing i feel i've put myself in. I am filled with so much fear and uncertainty that the mere thought of not knowing brings tears to my eyes. The thought of not being in Sydney next year; the thought of being alone; the thought of actually writing a dissertation- i cannot think.
Some moments, i want to crawl under the table and hide till i find some answers. Other moments, i remember the promises of God and want to live, unafraid.

And then there are times, like this present moment, that i think i cannot, i cannot, i cannot because i'm not good enough, not smart enough, not pretty enough, just Not Enough.
I want to get out of this.

Last night, God simply said: "Believe".
So i need to believe. I need to step out in faith and remember that i'm not alone. I have never been alone and i never will be. God has called me here and he is not going to abandon me, despite how abandoned i may feel. I need to believe, take courage and then i need to press on.



I fall at your feet. Help me, Father.