I lift up my heart and i cry

I feel like i'm walking and walking; trudging through the sand; falling down over and over again; getting up and then again, falling. I don't feel as if God has forsaken me. In fact, i feel his presence strongly. I am broken hearted and he says he is close to the broken hearted so i know he's here. But, I feel as if i've forsaken myself. There must be more than this. There must be.

I hate knowing that this year is my year and yet, nothing has happened. I am the girl who is used to going after what she wants and often getting it, not one who sits back and waits. I don't like waking up each morning not knowing. Monday could be Thursday or Tuesday. It doesn't make a difference. Here i am, waiting. Waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting.

I am waiting and believeing for a miracle. My miracle.

As i am writing this, i hear When you believe come on the radio.

They don’t always happen when you ask
And it’s easy to give in to your fears
But when you’re blinded by your pain
Can’t see the way, get through the rain
A small but still, resilient voice
Says hope is very near