the long day is over

listening to norah singing "the long day is over", i am reminded of how perfect this song is for now. i'm hoping that a long season of uncertainty, fear and anxiety is over. it's been a long, tough summer. not that it even felt like summer. it has been rather cool, with a few hot days scattered around to make it seem normal. but now, i notice trees whose leaves have turned orange, ready to fall to the ground. i swam in the saltwater pool at coogee with lisa as thunder thundered away and rain started to fall. the waves started crashing but yet...calm. the ocean just puts me in a space that allows me to remember what life is about. yesterday, i went for a walk around the bay at five dock, looking at boats and beautiful houses. i sat on a bench and looked at the water without thinking about anything. again, such calm. my dream is to live in a house on a cliff with my new family- my husband and my children. i want to play the grand piano as the sunlight streams in, casting shadows on our wooden floorboards. i want to make new traditions. i want to give and receive lots of hugs, cuddles and kisses- something that was missing in my childhood. i want the kids to see daddy and mummy loving on each other; being kind, affectionate and supportive. i want j and me to be parents who teach our children to be responsible, kind and loving towards other people. i want them to learn that our god will always look after them and protect them, even when the lights are turned off, the house makes creaking sounds and their friends have told them to watch out for monsters that come up from under their bed. i want to make passionate love to my husband on the kitchen floor when the house is empty and after we've just had our billionth argument. i hear the leaves move in the wind and feel the cool breeze on my arms as i write. norah continues playing. the house is empty. such calm. i have nothing on my mind. off to watch grey's anatomy which i recorded on Sunday. my supervisor has told me that it was a good episode. i love my supervisor, with whom i can discuss concepts and hollywood. maybe make a cup of hot milo to watch meredith make her decision.

your love so beautiful

2 slices of toast with butter and honey, a cup of tea with soy milk and then writing. a full day's worth of words. reading blogs in between. refreshing bloglines a few times a minute to check out who has updated. reading someone else's life, someone else's battle with the unfamiliar. praying. bright, sunny end-of-summer days. the sweet smell laundry drying. holding close to my chest a pile of towels straight out of the dryer. new tea towels. reading the sunday papers the wednesday after. harsh words strewn acorss the room. making up. a new soft dusky rose throw for cold winter nights. stomach cramps. being looked after. buying beautiful fresh vegetables. washing the car. rain. twirling the ring on the fourth finger of my left hand. thinking that soon, another one will keep it company. trying to guess where the honeymoon is going to be (he's surprising me). chocolate chip cookies dipped in tea. ugly betty, grey's anatomy. mcleod's daughters. coffee. banana bread. scary days. peaceful nights. tired eyes. 2 new books.

today

today

i am made better

a salad roll for lunch

3 cups of chai

in the sweetness of honey

my soul finds comfort

in the arms of my beloved

my tears are wiped away

today

i walk and I think

of things that made me happy

when he smiled from afar

my heart racing

my palms sweaty

when I scored a discount on that dress

my heart racing

my body anticipating

the looks from the boys

today I sit and stare

as another day goes by

dawn

morning

noon

evening

dusk

night

dawn

the blue of the sky

gets darker and darker

until sleep beckons and

i dream of my former self

today

i think about love

the friend who counsels

the child who kisses

the beau who perseveres

the parent who lets go

today I think

i think that life is

that life could be

that life will one day be

ok

Mellow fruitfulness

View from McKell Park, Sunday, 11.02.2007

It's been a bit of this and a bit of that around here recently. Wedding preparations are coming along very well...in fact i only have my dress and Jon and Dave's (Jon's brother and bestman) suits to get.
I think i've settled on my walking in song- Feels like home by Chantal Kreviazuk. It's always meant so much to me.
I'm determined to have a cupcake wedding cake because i love cupcakes- they're so yummy and pretty. Cupcakes are so expensive here. The cheapest wedding one i've seen costs $3.50 each. Considering that we have approximately 100 guests at our wedding, that's just a crazy amount of money to spend on CAKE. Hence, some frantic cupcake baking may occur in my home prior to the wedding.

Apart from wedding planning, i've been reading for my thesis and planning my Valentine's Day surprise for Jon. I am also concerned with the strange noises my car is making.

Today, Lisa, Charlie and i went to a cute little cafe in Randwick for coffee.
I saw a rainbow on the way back from my walk in the morning.

There is a slight chill in the air that wasn't there a week ago; leaves on tress are not so green; winter clothes are in store- all harbingers of autumn.

Once again, change.