Talk

I get to see the author of The Time Traveler's Wife, Audrey Niffeneger tomorrow!!! I adore the book and cannot wait to listen to her speak about her book and her writing. I am hoping to get a photo with her and have my book signed. I wish i could read the book again tonight before i see her but that's not going to happen because of my peer's 27 page paper i have to critique. Is this what life is going to be like from now on? The thought makes me strangely satisfied.

I had two epiphanies whilst watching Oprah this afternoon- firstly, i want to teach. And not just tutoring "I-could-care-less" undergraduates either. Secondly, i want to dance. I was flipping the channel between Oprah (she was talking about schools in crisis, hence first epiphany) and 'Strictly Dancing', some kind of dance competition (which resulted in epiphany no.2). Now, i am not the world's flexible person. In fact, i can hardly touch my toes without grimacing in pain. But, i have stamina and determination (well, until i actually start moving my body and realise i cannot bend AT ALL) going for me. Now, all i need is some money for dance lessons. Until then, i might have to be content with walking to the supermarket and back.

There are many fun things occuring this weekend, including the art festival on Saturday and Charlie's dedication on Sunday. But for now, i must return to critiquing with a carrot muffin and tea for sustenance.
I'm going to need it.

You are loved more than you can ever imagine

The door that leads from my room into the courtyard is ajar, but only slightly. It's 16 degrees today and i want to be warm inside. But i also want to hear the rustling leaves that calm me. Autumn has been such a big season thus far and oh, to think that there is only a week left before winter. I need to appreciate even more than i do at the moment, the beautiful orange, red and brown leaves that are strewn all over the city. The wind picks one up from here and places it gently over there. Heart shaped leaves make me smile.

The weekend has been exciting. I bought my first car on Saturday morning! It's splendid. Now, i just need to learn how to park properly and with confidence! The worship in church was excellent on Saturday night. On Sunday, Jon and i baked an orange and almond cake with cream cheese and passionfruit icing for afternoon tea. My first time baking with a boy, any boy and it was lovely. The cake was soooo yummy. We ate it whilst watching The Family Stone with flatmate Lise, a movie i've watched before but which i really wanted to watch again with my family here. It's such a good movie and i felt so christmassy after, that i decided to wear a red turtleneck to church that night. Red turtelenecks also make me smile. Jon helped me put fresh sheets on my bed. It was such a lovely thing to be doing together. I'm defnitely getting used to having a boyfriend.

I realise i've used the words 'beautiful', 'lovely' and 'smile' twice each in this entry. Good words!
In other news, there is still leftover cake for tea this afternoon, so really, life is pretty good.

I had to find you, tell you i need you

Last night, i fell asleep to the sound of rain pelting against the window pane. Light at first and then heavy and heavier. It brought me comfort only because i was snuggled up under a doona, warm and in the safety of my room. Today, it is cloudy. As i walked back from buying the groceries, i smelled the earth, the distinct smell of rain on soil. For a moment, i felt as if i were in a forest, walking alongside pines, stopping by an unexpected stream to stare at my reflection in the water.
Transition is all around me. As autumn segues into winter, one season in my life is slowly being replaced with another, except i am unsure of what exactly this new season is.

I am enjoying my thesis readings, currently a book called Travellers' Tales.
We all seem to be searching for home and grasp at anything that can give us this. For what are we without a home, any home?

I am also enjoying Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert, which i am reading in between my other readings. After hearing so many of my favourite bloggers talk about it, i had to buy myself a copy. And oh, what a book. I haven't felt compelled to sit and simply read in such a long time. It has taken me a while to get back into reading for pleasure. On Saturday afternoon, as Jon did his work, i was able to put my feet up and spend three hours reading this book. No guilt that i should maybe be reading a thesis book. And anyway, there is much in Eat Pray Love about life and home that i sometimes find myself taking notes.

And so darkness descends upon yet another day. From a cold morning to a colder night. I am in a home, warm and safe, with the knowledge that i have a love i probably don't deserve.

Do you feel like a puzzle, you can't find your missing piece?

The afternoon sunshine is now gone. I am hungry and make myself a cup of tea in a pretty mug to go with a slice of brown bread drizzled with honey. Coldplay is playing. I am dreaming of lamb, curries and scones with homemade jam and a generous slab of butter. I feel a guilty sense of satisfaction at not going in to uni for my class. Although i am sick and thus, have a valid excuse. A dear friend called a couple of minutes ago and i took pleasure in talking to her. Charlie is crying in Lisa's bedroom and it sounds so alive. This week, i want to surround myself with comfort. Maybe i need to cry. Maybe i need to go sit at a cafe and write in my journal, honestly. Maybe i need to learn that it's ok to feel.
I need to reconnect with everything that i've let go.

When you get what you want but not what you need

I don't like sudden temperature changes and the fact that days are getting shorter. My body, after having lived 23 years in a tropical climate where a cardigan was but a fashion accessory or for use in lecture halls where the thermostat would be below freezing, and where i would be assured that if i went to the cinema at 4 in the afternoon, it would still be light when i got out two hours later, my body is a bit out-of-sorts. It seems to faintly recollect that it has gone through cold before but it's such a faint memory that it begins begging for heat, thinking that things are oh-oh. Meanwhile, this is a chance for me to stay indoors, do some work and look at pretty autumnal pictures taken over the weekend. Thanks be to God for assuaging our (cold) hearts with beautiful foliage in autumn time. He is indeed good.

It's funny how life becomes memory and how a memory comes up randomly, without warning. Six years ago, i thought my life was over because of my dismal grades at a major exam. Six years later, my life is just beginning and the exam is a memory. I wish i could understand all of this.

Leave me breathless

I adore capturing moments in a single photograph. I remember everything- every laugh, every turned head, every glance. I've never photographed Jon until tonight and now, i have no idea why i waited so long. He's such a beautiful, loving soul. And he's mine. Tonight, little else matters.