I close my eyes and i leave them there

Every once in a while, i have a moment when i realise the extent of my love for Jon. I guess i live each day knowing this love but there are moments which make me stop in my tracks and go still because this is love and i understand this love with my soul, not just my body.

Before we went to visit Jon's family, i was sure that this was the man i wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Things haven't always been perfect but we managed to get through them together and emerge a stronger couple. But now, as i sit in my own home after returning from the trip and think about love and loving, i feel a surity of our future together, much more than what i felt before the trip. It's so had to put into words but all i want to say is that i am more sure now than i was before and that's a little strange because i have always been sure, early on in our relationship that Jon was the one was for me.

Jon's family is beautiful. And seeing Jon with his family was so good. I loved seeing him so relaxed and in the presence of people who loved him and who he loved. I felt honoured to be part of this love and this family.

And now it's back to the craziness that is Sydney. As beautiful as it is, Sydney is crazy. There's just so much happening all the time. And i can't walk out the door and see the cows grazing, as i did in Atherton. So it's back to thesis writing, church and Saturday morning breakfasts at Cafe Zoe.

But when i close my eyes, i see myself in the car with Jon driving fast, passing sugar cane plantations, listening to Gracelyn and Chloe play "I spy" in the backseat and trying to keep up with Lawrence in front of us. The rain falls but we are all safe and warm.

Take me there

This morning, i had a date scone and a pumpkin and sunflower seeds scone and coffee for breakfast. It felt so nice to sit at the table with the sunshine pouring in; freshly washed hair coiled up in a towel; an instrumental CD playing. I love my "be still" moments.

Yesterday afternoon, Cassie and i had (really good) coffee and biscuits at Toby's. When they closed, we headed to the park and sat on the grass and talked. It was such a lovely time spent with a beautiful girl.

I am on uni break for the next two weeks. Yay! I get a respite from teaching! Although it means that i have to work on my thesis. Hmmm.

It seems as if spring decided to pay us a very short visit (2 weeks to be exact) because summer is here. It's hot, hot, hot. And the flies are coming back. Have been swatting away a few as it is. Yay for tank tops that keep you cool and shorts!

Off to Queensland on Saturday for four days to meet Jon's family. My first ever "meet the family". Right now, i am SO excited to meet everyone who knew Jon way before i did and have some "Did you know when Jonathan was little, he used to..." coneversations. Hehe. He gets to do that when he spends Christmas and New Year's with me in Singapore. I cannot wait.

(Listening to A Night in Rocketown. On repeat.)

I can trust You with me

You are magnificent, eternally
Wonderful, glorious
Jesus
No one ever will compare to You

This morning, i had an encounter with God that left me in tears. The way i've been going, the last thing i wanted was an encounter. I didn't want to be brought down to my knees, crying out to God to do what He had to do. But this morning, i was in church, seated right at the back daydreaming. And then the team started singing I love you Lord, which is a song i grew up with. We've never sung this in our church before but it was the right song at the right time. And then, Jesus, lover of my soul and Magnificient.
By the time it was all over, my face was sticky from hot tears rolling down my cheeks.
Building 429's Space in between us and Rebecca St.James' I can trust You have also made me think.

There is a long way to go.

A shelter like no other

Once upon a time, i thought grading essays was the coolest thing ever. Power in my hands and all that. Now, i have 92 sitting before me. I have marked 10 thus far and failed 3. I read the same thing over and over again until i start developing my own (very critical and sophisticated, of course) arguments in my head. I get paid so little for marking and need to finish 6 in an hour, which is an impossible task for me as i take 5 mins per essay thinking about what to write in the big "comments" box.

I love teaching but marking, not so much.

Outside, strong winds make the branches of the tree outside my study bang (gently) against my window. It always startles me. Every 5 minutes.
The storms of spring are here.

Brighter than sunshine

The first offical day of spring and the weather is beautiful. The scent of jasmine is everywhere. It was warm enough in the morning for me to wear a tube top but now, as eveningtime catches up on us, it's cool-ish. I sit in my study with all the windows and doors open to let in the wind. I hear a plane fly across and the leaves rustling. I had some friends over for lunch and we sat in the lounge and talked about nothing as some jazz played in the background. I took a drive, went to the post office to mail off some presents and drove back home. I did two loads of laundry and hung them out to dry in the sunshine. I can't wait to have my clothes smelling like sun and wind again, rather than the dryer. The October issue of Real Living arrived in the mail yesterday and i had to call the subscription people up and tell them thank-you very much for the October issue but where was my September one?? They promised to have one delivered within the next five days. I've unpacked all my warm weather clothes- short skirts, halter dresses (Yay!- and put away all my coats. I have 92 essays to mark but i'll do them on Sunday. I am loving having a Friday afternoon to myself to write, reflect and be by myself. Now i will make a cup of coffee and watch some tv.